Why do ordinary Americans vote Republican?

As far as I can tell, it’s because of a few things:

Firstly, that popular myth, the American Dream. That’s where a little, humdrum, barely-educated Ordinary Republican Person can suddenly find themselves wealthy beyond their wildest dreams. Having achieved this hypothetical wealth, they will want to keep it, and make sure nobody else gets any. The republicans are, of course, the only party that has policies like this. However, being as thick as shit, the Ordinary Republican Person doesn’t spot that those very wealthy people already enjoying the American Dream are working tirelessly to make sure nobody else does, and that includes all Ordinary People, including them. The search for the American Dream is bound to fail because it is not based on compassion, or fairness, or any acceptable moral code, but on selfish greed. It is a moral ponzi scheme.

Secondly, it’s about religion. The American evangelical preachers have conned their flocks of dumb sheep into fearing for their eternal soul unless they conform to their interpretation of the bible’s teachings (which, in a neat piece of circular reasoning, includes donating massive sums to the preachers thereby fulfilling *their* American Dream). The Republicans are the party that pushes this message the strongest, plays the God card at the drop of the hat and however falsly, takes the moral high ground on every issue there is. That it is always Republicans who get caught in multi-million dollar frauds or photographed in whorehouses or enjoying secret gay fuckfests doesn’t seem to make any difference to the Ordinary Republican Person. Like I said: Dumb.

Finally, their PR machine is very, very good. Abortion is child murder; guns don’t kill people, other people do; the preacher didn’t *mean* to shag half the choirboys in his church, it was the Devil leading him into temptation and now God has saved him all is well. And he’s not really gay either… And so on. Democrats are evil and want to give your money away to lazy good for nothing illegal immigrants, they want to kill your unborn children and, God forbid, even think that niggers and womenfolk are equal to good, God-fearing white men. You must never vote Democrat because they will wreck our great and glorious Unydded Staytes Arv ‘Merica. (at which point the Dumb Ordinary Republican Person bursts into uncontrolled jingoistic tears and unfathomably grasps their right nipple, some considerable distance from their heart) …

If they only realised how stupid this all made them look to the rest of the world (you know, that bit outside the Texas/Alabama border) they might actually pause and think…

[Paul breathes…] … Or maybe there’s another reason? 🙂

About Paul Harper
These posts represent the collected thought of Paul Harper. Usually rants, occasionally lucid, always easily ignored. Read, don't read, your call!

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