A Desperate Appeal at Christmas

Christmas round-robin letters, those tedious tomes full of boasts and bullshit that self-obsessed people send around to others who’ve managed to avoid them all year. Hate them!

One year I even got one from someone who knew that most people didn’t like them, so she started it with “I know some of you don’t like these, so if that’s you, just throw it away”. So I did.

I had to move house with letter her know my new address before they stopped.

So if you’re tempted to do one of these, please, I beg of you, for the sake of your friends and family, don’t!

If they’re interested, they’ll ask. If they don’t ask – and they wont – then take the hint.

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Keith Vaz: Ambulance-Chasing is so Undignified

After the suicide of nurse Jacintha Saldanha, it became impossible to pick up a newspaper or turn on a TV news channel without seeing the grief-stricken mug of Keith Vaz MP staring back. The man is not God’s chosen representative on Earth for people of Asian descent…

Email sent to Vaz at his Westminster address, copied to Labour Party leader Ed Miliband:

Mr Vaz,

You’re not my MP, but then you’re not Jacintha’s family’s MP either, so one negates the other.

I am writing to ask, please, that for the sake of dignity, you stop using Jacintha’s suicide as a series of self-publicising media opportunities. There is a fine line between being supportive and being an ambulance-chaser, and that line is some considerable distance behind you.

The impression is being created that the most dangerous place to stand in Westminster is between you and a camera, the frequency with which you interject yourself into situations that, frankly, are nothing to do with you.

“Caring Sharing Keith” has now become a parody of Spitting Image proportions. The party already has one Tom Watson who thinks he’s Churchill, we really don’t need another.

Please, I beg of you, stop.

Paul Harper