“Star Trek: The Ultimate Experience”

London Philharmonic Orchestra, Royal Albert Hall, 1st November 2015

I freely acknowledge that I know nothing about music, but I am fussy enough to prefer what I am listening to, to be in time and in tune. Like John Barry’s compositions, most Star Trek themes rely very heavily on the brass section for their impact.

I have no idea how long the London Philharmonic orchestra rehearsed this event, but although the brass section were all playing the same tune, too many of them were playing in their own key, to their own tempo and I am bloody sure a few of them were playing it backwards.

Couple that with the saccharine-drenched sentimentality of the cod-philosophical video links between the pieces of music, the overall impression was of being in a very poorly assembled primary school Christmas concert (and I have sat through a LOT of them).

I cannot emphasise how disappointing the whole thing was, especially having hugely enjoyed the live Titanic showing at the Royal Albert Hall a few months back.

I am sure, though, that most of the audience were enjoying it, being Trekkies in the worst sense of the word – wearing uniforms that fitted ten years and five stone ago…

I can’t remember which of the Hannibal Lecter movies it was where he eats the clarinetist that constantly plays incorrectly. Having sat through the first half of this performance by the Brass Section From Hell, for the first time ever, I totally get where Lecter was coming from. I just wouldn’t waste the Chianti. I left at the intermission.

I cannot warn people off this farce strongly enough.